How we change what others think, feel, believe and do
Say "NO" to Your Feelings
Guest articles > Say "NO" to Your Feelings
by: Prakash Sutradhar
We all have feelings and emotions, we all are emotional beings. Throughout our life we are going to feel emotions and this is how god made us. Emotions in themselves are neither good nor bad. It can be helpful or harmful depending on how we handle it.
Having feelings and emotions is not a problem, problem is when emotion rule your life. You get up in the morning and feeling lousy. Now if you follow your emotions then it will ask you to stay back at home and not to go work. That time you need to push your feelings aside and go to your work.
You feel like eating more, you do overeating. You feel like buying something, you buy it when you can't afford it. You feel like watching TV, you postpone your important works by watching TV. If everytime you follow your feelings then it will move you here and there without going in a proper direction.
When you feel angry at your friend, that time your feelings will drive you to say something which you shouldn't or do something for which you'll later regret. You need to keep your feelings aside and follow the rule of friendship.
Feelings and emotions are temporary, they come and go. Sometime you feel up and sometime you feel down. No one can guarantee you that you will always feel good. Now if every time you follow you feelings and emotions then you can't lead a happy and peaceful life.
Emotions are results of your beliefs
We can avoid many problems in our life if we do not let our feelings and emotions dictate our life. In Bible it is said that
"It is better to have self-control, then to rule a city." Self control as it sounds it means controlling your feelings and emotions.
Emotions are products of your existing beliefs, if you have wrong beliefs then you'll experience negative emotions but that doesn't mean that you must follow that emotion. You are the master and you have the choice to say to NO to your feelings. If you have the belief that women are inferior to men. Then whenever you'll see your wife is achieving something, you'll always feel bad because it will hurt your existing belief that women are inferior to men. If you follow your feelings then you'll damage your relationship. Being the master of your emotions you have the power to rule your feelings. You can move over your negative feeling and appreciate your partner for their success. This way you'll weaken your wrong beliefs.
Most of the beliefs are formed in your childhood when you were unaware about what is right and wrong. Your beliefs were programmed by your family, society, friends and it is not necessary that all of your beliefs are right. So whenever you feel bad emotions, pause for a second and ask yourself which wrong belief of mine is giving me this kind of feelings.
Say someone rejected you for not meeting their expectations, you'll feel rejected and that feeling will force you to do many things which may not be right thing to do and in the later you'll regret for that. You are feeling rejected because in the childhood you formed a belief that "you should be in the good book of everyone, and if people rejects you that means you are not worthy".
This is the time to change your limiting belief about yourself, pause for a
second and ask yourself is my belief right ?
Your emotions follow your thoughts
When you feel bad, before reacting take a step back. Ask yourself is this feeling right or wrong. Then remind good thoughts because your emotions follow your thoughts.
You feel no more excitement with your partner as you used to feel in the
initial days with him/her. Now someone else is giving you the feeling of love
and you feel like breaking up with your partner. If you act on your feeling then
you'll hurt many people and it will damage your life in the long run.
Listen to the wisdom
Wisdom is the knowledge which is right irrespective of who you're, where're and when you're. Emotions care only for the present moment whereas wisdom care for the consequences of your actions. You feel angry at your boss and if you follow your feelings then you might loose your job but you'll need your job in the long run. You're angry at your friend and feeling like abusing your friend, if you follow your feelings then you might ruin your long friendship but in future you'll need your friend. You feel like buying new clothes hanging in the showroom but you have limited money. If you follow your feeling and you buy it then in future you might face financial problems.
We'll feel different kind of emotions everyday but that doesn't mean we have to follow all of them. Do not let your feelings and emotions rule your life rather master your emotions and do things which is right thing to do irrespective of what you feel.
If study is need of the hour then do study even if you don't feel like studying. If you need to forgive someone then forgive people even if you don't feel like forgiving, if you should help someone then do help them even if you don't feel like helping, if you need to meet your relatives then do meet them even if you don't feel like meeting them, if you need to apologize then do apologize even if you don't feel like apologizing.
It is okay to feel many emotions but do not act on all of them, use your wisdom and eternal knowledge to decide which is right and which is wrong. If you want to achieve something in life and want to lead to a happy life then you must NOT follow your feelings and emotions.
Prakash Sutradhar is an executive officer under Govt. of India.
Contributor: Prakash Sutradhar
Published here on: 22-Feb-14