How we change what others think, feel, believe and do
Forgive and Forget
Think about those people who you hold responsible for things that have gone wrong in your life or who have done you a disservice. Then forgive them. Forgive yourself also for the mistakes you have made. 'To err is human, to forgive divine', as they say.
You can do this mentally, but a more powerful way is to write to them or even meet them in person, where you both can achieve closure over a weeping emotional wound.
Put bad things in the past and leave them there. Stop dragging them up and inspecting them. They have happened, they are gone. Dwell on better times and enjoy the moment.
Bad memories can be dulled by seeing them in black and white, or shades of gray. Defocus them. Make the sounds quieter and less distinct.
When we do not forgive people, we hold a continuing and stressful state of tension that simply hurts and debilitates over a long period. We live and re-live the tense times we have cast as being bad or unfair. We regret what has happened and what we did not do.
If we can let such thought go, then we will naturally feel happier. You do not have to be divine to forgive people, though the act can have remarkably beneficial effects.
Revenge is seldom as sweet as is expected to be and the plotting of it takes up tense time and adds no real value to your live. It is not worth adding bad things to bad things.
We also tend to re-live traumatic experiences where nobody in particular is to blame, such as being affected by bad weather, although we may blame ourselves for such events.
Forgetting may not be directly possible but there are many ways to reduce the impact of memories. Forgiving helps. So also does achieving closure in other ways.