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Giving gifts

Techniques > Romance > Giving gifts

Why give gifts? | Types of gift | Ring the changes | Don't over-do it | See also

Why give gifts?

Give gifts to show that you love them. A gift is a part of you that you are giving to them.

Give gifts as a token of appreciation, to show that you are not taking them for granted. This is a good reason to be generous for your whole life.

Use gift-giving to show how well you understand the other person. Find out subtly what they like, for example by listening to what they talk about or by quietly asking one of their friends.

Gift giving creates an exchange dynamic. Having given them something, they will want to do something for you in return (although you should not expect this as a right).

Do not give gifts to show off your wealth. The only people who are impressed by this are gold-diggers who will be very happy to receive as expensive gifts as you can give (and then will keep nudging you to give more).

Types of gifts

Gifts are often given from the man to the women, although this is not necessarily the only direction.

Chocolates

Women often have a love-hate relationship with chocolates. There are chemicals in chocolate that makes it particularly desirable for women, yet they know that chocolates can make them pile on the pounds. A good compromise is to give them a smaller box of expensive dark chocolates.

Do not give chocolates to someone who is even a little overweight unless you are sure that they will appreciate them. If they are on a diet then they will groan at the sight of the chocs. On the other hand, giving chocolates can also say 'I don't care how big you are'.

Flowers

Women generally like flowers, though it can be a good idea to check this out. Some nature-oriented people find cut flowers an abomination of unnecessary 'murder'.

Flowers can be expensive, and good flowers usually are. But good flowers have a greater effect, so you pretty much get what you pay for.

Going out

You can take the other person out to many places in which you can spend fun and romantic time together.

Going out for a meal is a traditional evergreen that allows you to sit opposite for a long time and talk about yourselves and your lives. This makes it an ideal first date together. To some extent, you are both trapped by the length of the meal, so if you are not sure perhaps

The movies give opportunity to sit in the dark and put arms around one another and maybe kiss in the darkness. This makes it good for a date when hugging and kissing has started (or is just about to start), but less good for an early date when you should be learning more about one another. Make sure the movie is something they will appreciate and not some bizarre genre that you particularly like.

Home-made gifts

If you are good with your hands, then making something for the other person can be a personal touch that beats bought things hollow. Whether it is baking a cake, painting a picture or carving a love-spoon, a home-made gift says that you care enough to spend time.

Home-made gifts can also be disasters. Baking bullet cakes or otherwise inflicting badly-made gifts can be a huge embarrassment for all concerned. 

Poetry and romantic prose are both some of the best and worst things you can do. Even if you are not a brilliant poet, a short and simple poem can be remarkably touching. At all costs, do not write long poems or prose. Short is sweet, long is tedious.

Ring the changes

The secret of effective gifts is that they are pleasant surprises, not an expected right. This means doing different things. Some of the things you can do include:

• Give different types and quantities flowers (how about one fancy orchid?)
• Doing a 'must spend XXX today' retail therapy session
• Going out to different types of restaurant
• Going to a new play
• Going to a poetry recital
• Going to see a band you've never seen before
• Staying in but with food delivered or cooked by a chef in your house
• Taking a weekend break to somewhere news
• etc.

Buy gifts for his/her family too. Showing that you care about who they care about is a smart move. It also helps get over the jealousy of sharing love.

Don't over-do it

It is easy in the passion of love to blow your monthly budget on the one you love. However, despite the financial strain, it can have the opposite effect from that which you intended.

A common effect is that the recipient of the gift may feel the obligation of exchange. As you have given them something big, then perhaps they should reciprocate. But what if they do not have the depth of your purse? This will highlight how you and they are different (when you really want to create similarity). They may also resent you for putting this obligation on them, thus again creating an undesirable effect.

Another possibility is that, having given them something nice this month, they will now expect you to repeat the pattern next month and the month after. The obligation now is on you to live up to the expectations you have set.

See also