The trick in discussion is to get out of your own head and into the
other person's. It sounds like your Mom is stuck inside hers and the
challenge for you is not to get stuck inside yours -- that's the way
arguments happen where nobody listens and it just gets louder and
Your challenge is to get your Mom to listen to you. Really listen, I
mean, not just wait until you have finished so she can continue.
One thing that may be in your Mom's head is that you're not listening to
her. I'm not there and can't tell, but if you can show you're listening,
then she's more likely to listen to you in return. Maybe initially
you'll have to do more listening than talking, but when she's calmed
down (and that happens much quicker when you stay calm) then you'll be
able to talk more.
When people are emotional, they don't listen much. Helping your Mom to
be calm by really listening and staying calm is a good thing (although
at times this may be difficult!). Another trick is to do unexpected
little things for her. Make her a cup of coffee. Clear the table. Things
If you do all the above and she's still talking more and listening less,
then (and only then) it's time to tell her what she's doing. Tell her
how you feel, whilst staying calm. It's really powerful when someone
tells you they're very frustrated, yet in a quiet way. If she brushes it
aside, repeat yourself, a number of times if necessary. Maybe also
you'll need to give her time to think about it.
To your Mom, you may seem like a little child. You've got to convince her
that you're becoming an adult, which may mean a long period of acting like a mature
and thoughtful adult. Sometimes it takes quite a bit of evidence to
persuade people, so you may need to be patient.