The Need to Connect

Discussion

We are a social species and like to meet and connect with others. Connection is an important step on the way to bonding.

Effective connection creates a social bond where our sense of identity expands as we feel the other person become a part of our extended selves. This increases trust and decreases the cost of distrust which, in turn, eases social interaction.

Connection starts between the infant and its mother in that deep early imprinting. Thereafter we gain an echoed comfort from connecting with others, possibly even losing ourselves in the interaction and so recalling more of that non-lingual neonatal state.

A primitive form of connection is simply physically touching another person. Doing this makes us feel a lot closer to them. One of the concerns about children (for example in orphanages) is that they become psychologically damaged simply through lack of physical contact, the warmth of hugging, etc. When we feel distressed, we typically hug ourselves if there is nobody else to hug us.

Connection is an essential early step in changing minds. It is the gateway to trust and to get the other person to listen to your arguments and believe your assertions.

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