Gossip
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Relationships > Status
Games > Gossip
Description |
Example | Discussion | So
what?
Description
Gossip is a very common activity where people share news and secrets in small
groups. The talk is often about other people, what they have said and what they
have done. The talk may also be scurrilous and critical, indicating disapproval
of the target person and so reducing their status.
Gossip comments that can affect status include such as:
- Who does she think she is??
- I never knew he was that clever.
- I wouldn't cross him if I were you.
- She's really nice.
- She's got where she is by using her female wiles.
- He's just a bully, really.
To use gossip, first watch, then listen. Notice people going off in small
groups to chat. Join them. Listen to what is being said about who. Notice who
talks most and the sources of information, and hence identify the main
gossipers. Befriend these, then feed them snippets that serve your cause.
Drop in positive information about yourself, but without bragging or
otherwise making yourself the target of negative gossip. Do not gossip about the
gossipers other than to praise them. When they hear you have been saying nice
things about them (and so raising their status), they will be less inclined to
spread malicious stories about you.
Example
People within an organization tend to talk a lot about one
another, how nice and how successful they are. One person is known as a vicious
gossiper and keeps the nastiest of comments for those who spread negative gossip
about them.
A group of friends gossip about other people. Generally this
is kind but there is strong criticism against people who transgress social
norms.
A manager seeds gossip about change in order to get people
thinking about it before the formal announcement, which is not as threatening as
the gossip she started. The result is that people treat the announcement with
relief rather than anger.
Discussion
Gossip is a very common activity where people share news and secrets in small
groups. The talk is often about other people, what they have said and what they
have done. The talk may also be scurrilous and critical, indicating disapproval
of the target person and so reducing their status.
It seems curious that many people hate being talked about yet happily gossip
about others. This reflects out social nature and the intensity with which we
play status games.
In companies and other larger social groups, the system if gossip is often
called the 'grapevine' and is an important channel of information. It is through
such informal conversation that people gain social status and hence power and
influence.
Rumor spreads through the gossip channel and may be true, partly true or
wholly false. The rate at which gossip spreads has more to do with interest and
shock value than truth. Rumor of interest is often about events that will affect
many people, such as company cutbacks or changes in senior personnel.
So what?
Listen to gossip: it is a source of status and power. See people who gossip
as indulging in a very natural act. Notice the games of power and status that
are going on under the surface. Beware of gossiping destructively about other
people, or even endorsing such comments from others. If word gets back to the
target person about what you said, you may find yourself on the receiving end of
much anger.
One way of insulating yourself from direct accusation is to quote others.
Rather than saying 'I think', say 'Sam said'. By attributing gossip to others,
you are now simply a witness, a reporter. While you can still be accused of
spreading gossip, you can claim innocence as to the content. If you want to
protect the gossiper, you can just say something like 'I hear'.
See also
The
Leader-Follower loop, Status Values
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