Reflecting

The term 'reflecting' can be interpreted in two ways: sitting back and thinking or bouncing back to the other person what they have communicated to you. This section is about the latter.

When you reflect back to the other person what they have said, it not only makes sure that you have understood, it also shows your interest in the other person and helps to build a relationship with them.

In psychoanalysis, identity is first formed in the mirror phase, where we first see an image of ourselves. This can be the beginning of a life-long process of fascination with our own selves and is at the root of narcissism. Reflecting back to the other person something of themselves is thus a powerful process.

Building

A constructive way of reflecting what a person has said back to them is do add to what they have said in some way. This helps both testing understanding and also building rapport. If you build something between you, you will both feel a sense of ownership of it and hence will be more ready to share more.

Extrapolating: Extend their thinking into the future.

Synergizing: Combine ideas for an even better idea.

Creating rapport

Reflecting what a person says to you back to them also builds rapport, creating a bond between you both. Reflecting can be used primarily for this purpose. It should always be kept in mind in any case, as poor reflection (or no reflection) can have the opposite effect.

Reflecting words: Echo the words they say.

Reflecting verbal style: Use their overall modes of speech.

Quick links

Reflecting

Testing understanding

Building

Creating rapport

Non-verbal reflecting

And...

See also

Site Menu

You can buy books here

Quick links

Disciplines

Techniques

Principles

Explanations

Theories

And

Site Menu

Quick links

Disciplines

Techniques

Principles

Explanations

Theories

And