How we change what others think, feel, believe and do

How to be Likeable

Techniques > How to > How to be Likeable

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If people like you, they will trust you. They will listen to you. They will take your ideas seriously. They may even want to help you. Which all means they are much easier to persuade. It is no surprise that many of the best sales people and other professional mind-changers are really likeable people.

Listen to them

It is easy to think persuasion is about what you say. Indeed some of it is, but much of it involves connecting with the other person, and listening is a great way to do this.

An important part of listening is in the attention you pay to them, both physically and mentally. Physical attention includes looking at them intently, leaning in and not showing signs of disinterest. Mental attention means really listening to them and trying to understand, rather than half listening while you compose your response.

Believe them

When other people speak, it is easy to doubt what they say, especially if you consider yourself more knowledgeable than them.

Until they prove otherwise, believe them. Accept what they say as their truth, as something they believe to be true and may indeed be very largely true. Do not challenge their truths unless you have particular reason to do so.

Value them

Show interest in them and their lives. Do not judge them. Accept them as they are. Be concerned for them. Value them as humans, with the same rights as you. If you show that you care about them, they are far more likely to care about you in return.

Help them

Seek to add value for them. Answer their questions or find others who can help. Give them useful information. Try to keep them from harm.

Actively supporting them, especially when they are in real need is a powerful way to create gratitude and liking. Do be careful about overdoing this, as if they feel they owe you a great deal, they can become resentful. When you help them, never act superior and never indicate that you expect something in return. Only when help is freely given is it truly appreciated.

See also

Listening Skills, Beliefs, Relationships