How we change what others think, feel, believe and do
The ChangingMinds Blog!
Boyfriends and parents
One of the most difficult things to do as a parent is to loosen the ties and let your children go. This was a lesson I learned at an early age. I remember listening to the arguments between my mother and my elder sister and wishing it would stop. In the generational gaps that occur, my mother came from a generation where parents closely monitored and controlled their children, and it must have been frustrating to lose that unquestioning obedience in the freewheeling second half of the twentieth century.
It didn't end well, and my sister married the first boyfriend who stood up to my mother. And then he turned out to be a domineering philanderer and it all ended in an acrimonious divorce.
My younger sister also went out with some right turkeys but by then my parents had learned a lesson and they bit their tongue. Eventually she married the boy next door who became a much-approved-of dentist (they are still together).
I watched all this and wondered long. And so, when my daughter in turn brought home her turkeys, I smiled and welcomed them and waited for her to wake up, which she eventually did. Her boyfriend now is intelligent and handsome and I hope they last.
So: did I stand dumbly by when the turkey parade passed through? Partly yes and partly no. First, I was careful never to criticize them directly, though perhaps I occasionally damned them with faint praise. Importantly, I never stopped talking with my daughter, and nor did my wife. Pushing her away would have been something akin to cutting off one's nose to spite one's face. The one direction that we encouraged her most was in education, though this also had its dark moments. Whilst going out with the biggest turkey of them all, she quit university and took a job in a local store. And still we supported her. I frequently drove her ten miles to her boyfriend's house. Even though he had a car, he seldom came to us, and when he did, he hardly acknowledged us. But those journeys were diamond opportunities to listen and talk. Eventually she went back to university where she found her present boyfriend. At last her future now looks rosy. She is completing a master's degree and has a good job waiting for her.
All done and dusted? Not quite. She is on the high road but no doubt there will be more twists and turns. And then there is her brother, who is seventeen and still on the starting blocks. Here we go again! It will be a different journey, but I hope we navigate this as well.
I wish my parents could be like u
I love this article i wish my parents think like that i had a boyfriend
but we broke up and now am going out with another person but they don't want me
to have boyfriend now so is difficult.
My parents recently found out i have a boyfriend and they despise him.
He has tried talking to them but they refuse to have a word with him. My parents
are disappointed in me, even though im going to college and working. They have
made it hard on me since they took my car away like i were a child. I'm an adult
and wish they would treat me like one and understand i that i can make my own
decisions. I don't know what to do though.
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