How we change what others think, feel, believe and do
The ChangingMinds Blog!
30 years on
Today is my 30th wedding anniversary, a fact about which I am both happy and proud. I was remarkably lucky in finding a perfect lady whilst still at university (see a story about how we met). She's every man's dream: funny, intelligent, practical, sexy and more. She even laughs at my left-field jokes and sometimes unintended humour. Yesterday, for example, in a romantic conversation, I meant to say I had a pocketful of falling stars, but somehow it turned out as 'stalling cars' -- at which she fell into a fit of delicious giggles.
Staying married seems pretty optional these days, as does getting married, which kind of brings the whole thing about commitment and partnership into question. Marriage is intended as being for life, but now, with pre-nups and ready divorce it seems more like a short-term sojourn.
Eleri and I don't always see eye to eye and we both do things that irritate the other, but we do keep things in perspective. When she leaves lights switched on everywhere and forgets to change gear in the car, I just remember what it's really all about, and that small things are just that.
You could say that we're not that similar: she's an English teacher and I'm at root an engineer, though I've now done more exams in other subjects that I can remember. I like rock music and she goes for people like Josh Groban. She is a walking movie encyclopaedia whilst I dream business and psychology theories. I live technology yet she still has problems finding the shift key. She adores Shakespeare whilst I think Drucker was a man before his time.
And yet we have enough crossover to make it work. We both like Chris Rea and the Moody Blues. She is a teacher and I work in national education. We both read and write a great deal. Our holidays are spent exploring interesting places (not lying on the beach). We're both practical and happy doing assorted DIY. We're both reasonably intelligent and share a bizarre sense of humour. And I think we're equally and affectionately romantic.
We also both make efforts to explore the other's interests. I am happy watching a movie or going to the theatre with her. She now has a blog (inspirationalteaching.org) and her own computer. I try to cook now and again. We go to music concerts together, including people such as Peter Gabriel and Santana. We talk and walk together and are good friends.
Long-term relationships can break up through the thrill of short-term affairs, and I've had temptation put in my way before now, with suggestive conversation and kneesy under the table. But I know the price and have never found it worth considering, so I have politely ignored the offers (not that they happen much these days) and they quietly go away. Eleri also has had her share of suitors and I'm relieved (and a bit surprised) that she's also happy with who she's got.
And so tonight we're going out to a posh restaurant where I'll be wining and dining her and giving her the most expensive ring I've ever bought. And it will still be an utter bargain.