How we change what others think, feel, believe and do
The ChangingMinds Blog!
Patterns of abuse
One of the sad things about the human condition is that we can become stuck
in patterns of victimhood which can ruin lives. A while ago I had a letter from
a guy who was well educated but miserable and mystified by the way that others
always seemed to be aggressive towards him. He had been abused young and was
still living with his mother. He asked for books to read and advice. Below is what I wrote back.
Is this the perfect advice? Probably not. I deliberately started with offering the hope that he could break out from the pattern. From a single letter I can only guess at the detail of his dilemma, which is why I advised finding professional help. If he was unable to do this, the next advice is to get together with others in the same boat. Knowing that you are not alone is often a great comfort, although the danger is that all you get is sympathy and reinforcement. The trick of getting out of patterns is to break them, repeatedly.
I do hope he found some way out of the hole. We have one life and it is a shame to waste it in depression.