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ChangingMinds Blog! > Blog Archive > 11-Jul-08

day -January-08

Speed dating

There's a fascinating recent phenomenon known as 'speed dating' that seems popular with the young and has caused shock-waves in the more conservative segments of society. Whilst I am happily married and not into dating, I was curious enough to do a little research to find out what it is all about.

The basic issue is that 'you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.' In other words, finding a suitable partner is a hit and miss affair that may take years and involve messy failures. The 'good enough' principle of previous generations is not good enough for many current daters who have been brought up with many advantages and perhaps expect 'perfection on a plate.' They are impatient in seeking a perfect partner and speed dating is just one way of 'getting to base 2.'

The process of organised speed dating seems to be to get two equal groups of men and women (assuming it is a heterosexual session) who, if possible, have been matched to be broadly compatible. Each pair then meets for a defined period (typically around five minutes) in which they have the opportunity to size each other up before moving on to chat to someone else. When everyone has met everyone, desired follow-ups are given to the organisers, who use this to facilitate the next meeting (if both parties are still in agreement).

There are multiple variants on this theme. But the basic idea of 'try before you buy' in a safe setting speeds the initial 'do I fancy him/her' decision without the normal social footwork needed to get to speak and then to back out gracefully or go for the full date.

Some folks, I'm sure, are appalled just at the notion of speed dating, and I certainly raised an eyebrow when I first heard the term. But when I read about the reality, it just seemed like a practical and useful idea. .

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