How we change what others think, feel, believe and do
Translating intent into action
Finally, we must translate the intent into words and actions. This is not always easy, for example when we are clumsy or when deeper biases infect our behaviors to betray an alternative intent.
The complexity of our language differentiates us from other animals, yet it is still a poor medium through which to communicate our real intent. We omit huge amounts of detail, assuming the other person will 'get what we mean', even though we each interpret the same words differently. And yet we can convey surprising amounts and great authors have made the printed word a true art form.
The spoken word is far more communicative than the written word, as now you can add timing and varying intonation. This 'music' adds emphasis and emotion to what is said, showing what is important and amplifying the communication and elicitation of human feelings.
This is the non-verbal behavior, or what is commonly called body language. Most movement of parts of our body can be interpreted as communication, especially when accompanying spoken words.
It is also about all of our actions, the things we actually do beyond the things we say.
When our intent and our deep systems. such as beliefs and values, do not align, the deep elements can subtly affect our communications and actions. For example if someone is racially biased, they may proclaim their agreement with equality, but their bias may well come out in their language.
This is not always deliberately deceitful. Bias is often something that is programmed into use when we were young. When we later understand the issues and rationally change our mind, the bias can still remain and sneak into our communication (which can be very annoying!).
First, notice your own words, music and dance--they are often a clue to what your subconscious mind is thinking. Be careful about trying to control the visible symptoms--you may just end up appearing as two-faced. It is more difficult, but more effective, to change what you believe or what you feel.
Watch other people and listen carefully to them. What they say, how they say it, how they move and what they do. Become expert at reading the signs, of which there are usually many more than you might expect. Use this deeper understanding to help guide your communications with them.