How we change what others think, feel, believe and do
The ChangingMinds Blog!
My wife and I have an agreed exchange at the weekend. One of us makes breakfast on Saturday whilst the other does it on Sunday. The question on a tired Saturday morning is one of jam today or jam tomorrow: do I seek immediate gratification of my need to doze or do I get up now so I can lie in tomorrow.
The situation is typical of many domestic negotiations: it is nothing earth-shaking and the need to sustain their relationship is significant. This leads to concessionary banter with a gentle negotiative edge.
For example, I will say (phrased carefully, of course), "Do you want to lie in tomorrow or shall I get up today."
Or my wife will ask directly, "Could you get breakfast today, I'm rather sleepy."
There is little argument, but it is fun playing games of changing minds, for example asking about breakfast when the other person has got up to go to the bathroom. We are both changing-minds professionals and are keenly aware of language, which makes for good-hearted games of 'spot the subtle influence'.
Domestic negotiations are not always so harmonious and we are lucky that we
don't argue too much. One of the
Big Five personality
characteristics is 'agreeableness' which I guess we have enough of between us.
So. Who makes breakfast today?