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ChangingMinds Blog! > Blog Archive > 16-Sep-11


Friday 16-September-11

Listening changes

Did you know that how you listen changes the language of the speaker? It's a useful way, when listening, to know something of the inner response of the other person.

Listening positively, showing appreciation of the other person, is likely to lead them to use more abstractions and subjective impressions, whilst negative listening, with disinterest and criticism, may well lead them to use objective facts and concrete details.

Positive listening includes nods, smiles, eye contact and open body language. It makes the other person feel accepted and, trusting you, they get more expansive. Negative listening includes staring, frowning and generally appearing judgemental and disapproving. Facing this, people will be cautious and defensive, sticking only to facts and being very circumspect when talking of ideas.

Beukeboom, C. (2009). When words feel right: How affective expressions of listeners change a speaker's language use. European Journal of Social Psychology, 39 (5), 747-756

Your comments

your comments here are very interestiing to me, cause im a sales person and have always had a hard time to connect with people and some people continue to tell me its not what i say but is how i say things and just cant seem to get better at it. I've tried to read several books but again i fall into the same as well found myself not listening to any prospect or missed the signs the client is offering, do you have any advise or any video to look at since im a visual person, to get a better perspective and increase the ability to do the clients a better service and not let other companies take the sale and leave me in the dust, please let know if possible.
thank you. much in advance.

-- oscar

Thank you for your post. Listening can be a very positive way to connect with others. Improving listening skills can be learned. Fist there must be awareness about our own ability to listen well and desire to be better.

I'm writing a series on how to be a better listener in my blog.

-- Rodeth

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