changingminds.org

How we change what others think, feel, believe and do

| Menu | Quick | Books | Share | Search | Settings |

Stop me if you can

 

Explanations > Behaviors > Games > Stop me if you can

Purpose | Game play | Discussion | So what?

  

Purpose

Primary: Escape, excuse

Secondary: Attention

Game play

A has a problem, from alcoholism or other addiction to anti-social behavior.

B is persecutor who berates A, and also gives A an excuse to continue - e.g. as an escape or as reactive revenge. A's habit may also give excuse for A's bad behavior, such as beating up B (who can then play 'Poor me').

C is rescuer who tries to cure A (and can play 'I'm only trying to help'). A goes along with C for a while, getting attention and sympathy, but is actually playing 'See if you can stop me'. A can repeat the game by offering remorse and playing 'This time it's real'.

D is the bartender or drug pusher who actively helps A and profits from A's behavior, and can play conspiratorial games such as 'Go on, have another, nobody will know'.
You may also get E, a friendly figure, who reassures A and hence legitimizes the behavior.

Discussion

This 'stop me' game is a common pattern within alcoholism where the alcoholic seeks attention and has 'I was drunk' as an excuse for any misbehaving.

Legitimization and perpetuation happens through well-meaning organizations such as Alcoholics Anonymous, where the addict gets to tell their story over and over, and receive attention and sympathy as a reward.

When A's get together they indulge in pastimes such as boasting about what/how much they have consumed and how terrible their hangover/withdrawal is.

B's and C's can also play games together, such as 'Ain't it awful'.

 

So what?

Refuse to play rescue games. Do not offer sympathy. Prevent them from getting legitimization elsewhere. Expose the game. Give them information to let them decide when they are ready.

See also

'Catch me' Game, 'Poor me' Game

 

Eric Berne, (1964), Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships, Balantine Books

Thomas Harris (1996), I'm OK-You're OK, Avon books

 

Site Menu

| Home | Top | Quick Links | Settings |

Main sections: | Disciplines | Techniques | Principles | Explanations | Theories |

Other sections: | Blog! | Quotes | Guest articles | Analysis | Books | Help |

More pages: | Contact | Caveat | About | Students | Webmasters | Awards | Guestbook | Feedback | Sitemap | Changes |

Settings: | Computer layout | Mobile layout | Small font | Medium font | Large font | Translate |

 

You can buy books here

More Kindle books:

And the big
paperback book


Look inside

 

Please help and share:

 

Quick links

Disciplines

* Argument
* Brand management
* Change Management
* Coaching
* Communication
* Counseling
* Game Design
* Human Resources
* Job-finding
* Leadership
* Marketing
* Politics
* Propaganda
* Rhetoric
* Negotiation
* Psychoanalysis
* Sales
* Sociology
* Storytelling
* Teaching
* Warfare
* Workplace design

Techniques

* Assertiveness
* Body language
* Change techniques
* Closing techniques
* Conversation
* Confidence tricks
* Conversion
* Creative techniques
* General techniques
* Happiness
* Hypnotism
* Interrogation
* Language
* Listening
* Negotiation tactics
* Objection handling
* Propaganda
* Problem-solving
* Public speaking
* Questioning
* Using repetition
* Resisting persuasion
* Self-development
* Sequential requests
* Storytelling
* Stress Management
* Tipping
* Using humor
* Willpower

Principles

* Principles

Explanations

* Behaviors
* Beliefs
* Brain stuff
* Conditioning
* Coping Mechanisms
* Critical Theory
* Culture
* Decisions
* Emotions
* Evolution
* Gender
* Games
* Groups
* Habit
* Identity
* Learning
* Meaning
* Memory
* Motivation
* Models
* Needs
* Personality
* Power
* Preferences
* Research
* Relationships
* SIFT Model
* Social Research
* Stress
* Trust
* Values

Theories

* Alphabetic list
* Theory types

And

About
Guest Articles
Blog!
Books
Changes
Contact
Guestbook
Quotes
Students
Webmasters

 

| Home | Top | Menu | Quick Links |

© Changing Works 2002-2016
Massive Content — Maximum Speed