changingminds.org

How we change what others think, feel, believe and do

| Menu | Quick | Books | Share | Search | Settings |

Shame

 

Explanations > Emotions > Shame

Shame is | Triggering shame | So what

 

Shame is

We feel shame when we have done something that is against our values. It is a feeling of remorse, regret and having done wrong. We may wish to turn the clock back so we can do things differently next time.

Shame can vary from a temporary and mild remorse to deep and racking guilt that dogs us for the rest of our lives.

Triggering shame

Shame is triggered when we are reminded of what we have done and the rules we have broken, and we realise that this is a bad thing.

We feel shame more when we know that other people also know what we have done. If I walk down the street and nobody knows, I may feel ok. But if all eyes are on me, my feelings of shame will deepen.

The criminal legal system of many countries aims to reform people by using shame (although with limited success). Putting them in prison, however, tends not to work, as they rationalise away their actions as a collusive effort with other prisoners. What does work better is when they are confronted with what they have done - for example meeting with the victims they have hurt.

So what?

Reminding people of what they have done can cause them to feel shame. You can then offer them a way to atone for their sins and get forgiveness from those they have wronged.

See also

Repulsion, Persuade by Pride, Not Shame

 

Lazarus, R. and Lazarus, B. (1994), Passion and Reason, Oxford University Press, New York

Site Menu

| Home | Top | Quick Links | Settings |

Main sections: | Disciplines | Techniques | Principles | Explanations | Theories |

Other sections: | Blog! | Quotes | Guest articles | Analysis | Books | Links | Help |

More pages: | Contact | Caveat | About | Students | Webmasters | Awards | Guestbook | Feedback | Sitemap | Changes |

Settings: | Computer layout | Mobile layout | Small font | Medium font | Large font |

 

You can buy books here

More Kindle books:

And the big
paperback book


Look inside

 

Please help and share:

 

Quick links

Disciplines

* Argument
Brand management
* Change Management
Coaching
+ Communication
Counseling
+ Game Design
+ Human Resources
+ Job-finding
* Leadership
+ Marketing
Politics
+ Propaganda
+ Rhetoric
* Negotiation
* Psychoanalysis
* Sales
Sociology
+ Storytelling
+ Teaching
* Warfare
Workplace design

Techniques

+ Assertiveness
* Body language
* Change techniques
* Closing techniques
+ Conversation
Confidence tricks
* Conversion
* Creative techniques
* General techniques
+ Happiness
+ Hypnotism
+ Interrogation
* Language
+ Listening
* Negotiation tactics
* Objection handling
+ Propaganda
* Problem-solving
* Public speaking
+ Questioning
+ Using repetition
* Resisting persuasion
+ Self-development
+ Sequential requests
Stress Management
* Tipping
Using humor
* Willpower

Principles

+ Principles

Explanations

* Behaviors
+ Beliefs
* Brain stuff
Conditioning
+ Coping Mechanisms
+ Critical Theory
+ Culture
+ Decisions
* Emotions
+ Evolution
Gender
+ Games
Groups
+ Identity
+ Learning
+ Meaning
Memory
+ Motivation
+ Models
* Needs
+ Personality
+ Power
* Preferences
+ Research
+ Relationships
+ SIFT Model
+ Social Research
Stress
+ Trust
+ Values

Theories

* Alphabetic list
* Theory types

And

- About
- Guest Articles
- Blog!
- Books
- Changes
- Contact
- Guestbook
- Links
- Quotes
- Students
- Webmasters

 

| Home | Top | Menu | Quick Links |

Changing Minds 2002-2014
Massive Content -- Maximum Speed