Murray's Needs

This is the list of needs identified in Explorations in Personality, edited by Henry A. Murray in 1938. Are they everything? Of course not. But they are a useful list.

Need	Definition
Abasement	To surrender and submit to others, accept blame and punishment. To enjoy pain and misfortune.
Achievement	To accomplish difficult tasks, overcoming obstacles and becoming expert.
Affiliation	To be close and loyal to another person, pleasing them and winning their friendship and attention.
Aggression	To forcefully overcome an opponent, controlling, taking revenge or punishing them.
Autonomy	To break free from constraints, resisting coercion and dominating authority. To be irresponsible and independent.
Counteraction	To make up for failure by trying again, seeking pridefully to overcome obstacles.
Defendance	To defend oneself against attack or blame, hiding any failure of the self.
Deference	To admire a superior person, praising them and yielding to them and following their rules.
Dominance	To control one's environment, controlling other people through command or subtle persuasion.
Exhibition	To impress others through one's actions and words, even if these are shocking.
Harm avoidance	To escape or avoid pain, injury and death.
Infavoidance	To avoid being humiliated or embarrassed.
Nurturance	To help the helpless, feeding them and keeping them from danger.
Order	To make things clean, neat and tidy.
Play	To have fun, laugh and relax, enjoying oneself.
Rejection	To separate oneself from a negatively viewed object or person, excluding or abandoning it.
Sentience	To seek out and enjoy sensual experiences.
Sex	To form relationship that lead to sexual intercourse.
Succourance	To have one's needs satisfied by someone or something. Includes being loved, nursed, helped, forgiven and consoled.
Understanding	To be curious, ask questions and find answers.

So What?

So find out whether the other person has these needs in any form, and help to satisfy them in exchange for what you want of them.