How we change what others think, feel, believe and do
People typically get their sense of control in one of two ways:
They may get their sense of identity in two ways:
Leaders like others to look up to them and like to be in charge. At parties they are the 'life and soul' and are typically surrounded by others as they hold court. They may be social leaders, work managers or both.
Followers need recognition from others, but do so by ceding control and trusting that leaders will help them succeed. In parties, they circulate and chat, happily listening or talking, enjoying the company of others. At work, they are good team players and contribute to overall business success.
Independents are fiercely their own people. They go their own way and do their own thing. At parties, they may listen and argue, not really caring whether people agree with them. They may also stand confidently to the side watching the proceedings. At work, they like to find the best work for them and succeed on their own terms. In teams they can be argumentative or separate.
Drifters withdraw from the world where they can, living in their own internal world. In the real world, they generally do as they are told, though not from any desire to be liked. At parties, they sit miserably in the corner and leave as soon as possible. At work, they keep their heads down and do their jobs but do not really participate in team activities.
Someone whose comfort zone is fairly central may have a balanced position, giving or taking control as seems appropriate, and being with others or sitting alone with ease.
Remember that this is not four types, but two axes along which a person can vary infinitely. They may also be different in different contexts.
Understand where you are on this scale and either deliberate stretch your comfort zone or find contentment where you are.
With others, go to their zone. For example, with non-social people, you can email them whilst for social people a face-face meeting is often better. Let those who need control to make decisions, whilst telling others what needs doing.
You can also use their comfort position as a reward, perhaps taking them out of this zone to create persuasive tension.