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The Need to Connect

 

Explanations > Needs > The Need to Connect

Need | Example | Related to | Discussion |  So what?

 

 

Need

We need to connect with others, forming a social bond with them as we join identities.

We do this within families, through friendship and even by hanging around near complete strangers.

Example

A person who has just moved to a new town makes a particular effort to get out and meet local people. 

Related to

 

Part of Related to
Identity Affection, Belonging, Esteem

 

Discussion

We are a social species and like to meet and connect with others. Connection is an important step on the way to bonding.

Effective connection creates a social bond where our sense of identity expands as we feel the other person become a part of our extended selves. This increases trust and decreases the cost of distrust which, in turn, eases social interaction.

Connection starts between the infant and its mother in that deep early imprinting. Thereafter we gain an echoed comfort from connecting with others, possibly even losing ourselves in the interaction and so recalling more of that non-lingual neonatal state.

A primitive form of connection is simply physically touching another person. Doing this makes us feel a lot closer to them. One of the concerns about children (for example in orphanages) is that they become psychologically damaged simply through lack of physical contact, the warmth of hugging, etc. When we feel distressed, we typically hug ourselves if there is nobody else to hug us.

Connection is an essential early step in changing minds. It is the gateway to trust and to get the other person to listen to your arguments and believe your assertions.

So what?

Use connection as a reward, including with yourself. Help people connect with others then ask for something in return.

See also

Bonding principle, Attachment

 

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