How we change what others think, feel, believe and do
The Need for Friendship
We have a need not just to connect with others but also to make friends and engage in friendly relationships.
When we meet people, one of our early objectives is to find out whether the person is friendly, and whether an ongoing friendship may be developed.
I am broke. I ask a friend to lend me some money until I get more at the weekend. They agree, confident that I will repay them.
A new person joins the company. Before long, they have found others who they socialize with on a regular basis. These people help them to find their way in the company.
While self-interest and selfish action gets us some benefits, we are social creatures. Evolution has taught us that acting together is a powerful boost for survival. When we share and look after each other, we dramatically increase the chance of our species surviving.
Friends care about one another, helping out when needed. They trust one another enough to delay seeking repayment for assistance. They seek shared enjoyment that increase bonding and consequent trust.
Friends also fall out. When trust is broken and obligation is ignored, the anger and reaction of betrayal can cause a deep divide. Yet we seldom give up on friendship itself. Without friends we feel lonely and feel a compulsion to go out and meet new people.
Friends often form groups, with shared interests and values. Having a circle of good friends is one of the most satisfying things in many people's lives, perhaps being even more enjoyable than the company of their family, where obligations can get in the way of relaxed conversation.
Friendliness is a surprisingly effective step in the process of of changing minds. Sales people often try to be everyone's friend. One reason for this is that you can ask things of your friends, who will gladly agree because they trust you.
Develop your friends by building trust and helping them out, so when you need help they will be obliged and willing to help you. Also keep working on finding good friends. Have a wide circle of acquaintances and steadily admit into your inner circles those with whom you get on well. Friendship has a 'half life', where without sustaining activity, so do keep up communication with your whole circle of friends.